Fair weather Hashers, injured souls, and backsliders in training, read on and I shall tell you a tail of shame and degradation so profound . . . well, you'll feel obligated to buy me a drink.

I arrived at the box at the proper time. I was alone. There, I found the hares, looking like rejects from REI. They offered me a coffee and Bailey's. While we awaited the arrival of lesser sorts they began to weave a tail of woe. I heard of the challenges that lie ahead.

Once sufficiently late, Martha Fuck'n Stewert, BVDiva, and Hop-A-Long arrived. Then the real waiting began.

Then the Hares departed. Followed by a pack of four. We first encountered a check back of 7. This almost benched the pack! Our Hare, Krapper, had laid a precision trail. Each hash was uniform in size, measuring exactly 8cc in volume.

Lesson #1 - The box counts as a hash mark on check backs.

Once we crossed the road we began to climb.

Lesson #2 - When the ground tilts toward your face it is easier to see 8cc's of flour.

Then we began to encounter the checks.

Let's go back in time here. In 1990 I was working in Singapore. I went to the Hard Rock Cafe for a drink. When I walked in the stereo was playing a song by WHAM while 3 He-shes danced on stage. Well, dear readers, that was the gayist thing I had ever seen, until today!

I have attempted to organized my thoughts so I may share with you what happens next. Let's just say that this trail would make even the Pope vomit with rage.

MFS and BVD hit the jetison/eject switch and returned to the box.

Lesson #3- MFS &BVD; are all weather Hashers, to a point.

Hopp-a-long and I continued on. By this point the Hash had been reduced to 5.5 cc volume. Luckily the trail left by the hares shoes was easier to follow than the Hash.

Lesson #4 - If you leave tracks like a tank, save your flour.

Only 2 hounds completed the trail. This made it simple, but not easier for the Hares to identify the FRB and DFL.

On a positive note we did name Krapper and Loo's dogs.

The Huskie is now named 'Fecalphiliac'. This is due to him begin seen digging up and partially consuming a steaming corn-backed rattler while on trail. Who laid that?

The black and white dog (Gambo) with a blue eye and a brown eye shall be forever known as 'two brown eyes'. If you don't get it, lift his tail for a clue.

During the circle, the responsible hare suggested that if 5 or fewer hounds show for a Hash they should be rewarded somehow. This is in contrast to the irresponsible hare, he just giggled. Several ideas floated by, got approval, then got axed as the minds battled. Then I suggest to reward those in attendance with booty from the brewers closet. That ended the debate.

However, now that I'm safely home, I say to MFS/BVD "Slackers, you get diddly! You did not complete trail! HA!" HopAlong gets a prize.

Through me, the beer has spoken.

-Special Ed