Berserk Burke 2017: Hunka Hunka’s Half-M…

This summer’s sizzling rendition of the Berserk Burke Hash will take place this SaTURDee, June 24, 2017 in the Sloan Canyon National Conservation Area.

True Trail will exceed 13.1 miles in length…

Temperatures are predicted to peak at 111, with a severe heat warning in full effect…

Cell service will be nonexistent…

Potential truly exists for one to experience their mortal demise from dehydration, heat exhaustion, or an unfortunate encounter with any of Nature’s minions…

If this sounds like your cup of tea* (*hot, not iced), read on….

HASH CASH: $10!!

7:30 a.m. SHOW — at the first (bottom) floor of the M Resort Spa Casino (12300 S Las Vegas Blvd, Henderson, NV 89044).

8:00 a.m. CARPOOL AWAY — If you are planning on r*nning trail, you MUST CARPOOL to the start. Trail is A-to-Z, and we will be waaaayyy too tired to take you back to your car after the Hash. IF YOU DO NOT CARPOOL — YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.

8:20ish — HARE AWAY

(By) 8:30 a.m. — PACK AWAY

TRAIL GUIDE 101 — Trail will be divided into three (count ’em) segments:

1) +/- 3.5 miles (to Hydration Station #1)
2) +/- 5 miles (to Hydration Station #2)
3) +/- 5 miles (to On-In)

STRONGLY RECOMMEND: carry copious amounts of water — more than you think you might need!!! If you take just one wrong turn (as I did while scouting) you might be exposed to the extreme desert heat much longer than initially expected. Don’t end up another set of bleached bones — carry lots of water!

FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO PLAY, BUT NOT R*N TRAIL: We currently have three (count ’em) dazzling desert divas who are facilitating HYDRATION STATIONS — Plan B-Van, Shuttle Coque, and Tunnel of Luv.

Each hydration station will have at least one cooler of cold water/gatorade, and whatever pack members place into each vehicle for replenishing purposes. If room permits, peeps not r*nning trail can either plug in with our beer/support angels, or go directly to the end, pre-party, and prepare the area for circle/welcuming hashers on-in (see 3 Balls Deep if this sounds like you!).

Of all of the BB trails I have r*n/hared over the years, this year’s most reminds me of the day Koresh introduced BB to the Vegas Hash. Don’t be dumb. This trail is not for everyone.